Limbo

Well, that's what this feels like anyhow! I'm still waiting for one of the Dr. offices to call me back. They're supposed to be arranging a hysteroscopy. This will allow them a final look deep inside and determine that the "growth" is exactly that...a growth and nothing more. It's frustrating just having to sit and wait. I actually left a rather pointed message on the voice mail of the woman who does the scheduling, explaining that she is right now...the single domino that's holding up all the works.

Next trip to the U of P will be for an Echo Cardiogram...also a fun test...especially if you get to watch. I did the last time I had this done, almost 6 or 7 years ago. It was so amazing watching your own heart beating away, and then with help from the technician, seeing the valve that's misbehaving. I'm always fascinated by how our bodies work and to actually get to see your own in action is simply too much fun.

I found out during my last go round at the hospital that they won't be able to do laparoscopic surgery on me. Apparently from the CT scan they were able to determine exactly where my kidneys lie and it's not compatible with that type of surgery.  SO looks like I'll wind up with one big scar instead of 3 very small and one medium one. Had a thought the other day, a tattoo, in small clean print type font, saying, "I gave at the office" ! May have to revise my "I'll never get a tattoo" philosophy.

It's hard waiting too, knowing that I'm "training" for rides and races I may never get to do. The American Cancer ride is in July, I was planning on doing the Metric Century, 100k, but may not be allowed to ride yet. I'm planning a kayak trip to the Delaware Water Gap, but may not be able to paddle (won't be able to lift anything more than 10 lbs, so getting into and out of the 'yak, may be difficult). I'm part of organizing a Livestrong Challenge team, and won't be sure what distance I'll be riding, if any, for a while. My original plan was 100 miles, but now that's all up in the air. I may wind up doing 20 or so with the cancer survivors...if I'm lucky. And I'll be happy with that. It's just every single thing this summer is now up in the air. Guess it's kinda like finding out your kidneys are dying...and killing you too...Life itself is up in the air, waiting, hoping. Limbo.