Sorrow and Joy mixed in equal parts.

It's been more than three years since I've posted on this blog.  SO much has changed in that time. 

The thing that prompts me to post here again is the sorrowful.  Joe, the lovely man I had the great privilege of giving my kidney to, has died.  For me there is absolutely no regret. Not a scintilla of doubt that this was how it was meant to be, at least on my end of this equation.

I learned of his death from one of the other people in our little paired chain of donations.  I contacted his lovely wife to express my sorrow at his passing.  I told her the truth of how I felt at that time.  Joy that he'd gotten three more years with his family.  Three more years of sharing his talents and skills and self with the world.

I shared with her the strangeness of hearing that he'd died and how, for the very first time in three years, I actually felt a hollow place on my right.  For the very first time I "felt" knew my kidney was gone.  It is strange to be here, on this beautiful sunny blue morning, feeling so alive, and yet to know that a piece of me (or what was a piece of me) is actually buried.  Makes for some very interesting ponderings.  I'm dead and alive.  Buried and yet so very alive. 

Bless his wife for contacting me too, to let me know that it wasn't the kidney that failed.  Shockingly, it was his heart.  Apparently when they checked, the kidney was pink and doing what it was asked to do.  That makes me happy.  I didn't let him down.  It was simply meant to be.

I've been asked would I do it again, knowing the length of the "donation"?  Yes.  In the blink of an eye, I'd be back there and handing it over.  I feel now that I have to continue on and live well to honor Joe.  To keep in shape,  to love those around me and to enjoy every moment I'm given.

Sometimes I'm not sure who got the most out of this whole deal.  Most of the time, I think it's been me.  So, if your reading this...and your healthy enough....give a thought to someone who's life and living is so compromised by something you take for granted.  And perhaps you might be the one to be given the gift of helping.  Just a thought. 

Normal...well sort of!

This Thursday, for the first time since June 6th, I slung a leg over my trusty bicycle and peddled away with friends.  Just getting into my biking clothes was strange and even a bit difficult.  Fortunately, the way the waist band is cut on my bike shorts mirrored the angle of the incision, and was a half inch below!  That meant no irritating chaffing or pressure on a sensitive area.

Clipping into my pedals was another odd moment.  Being one with the bike again was a strange sort of commitment, almost a form of trust, that I could do this again.  Being "lopsided" since the weight of the scar tissue is on the right was a bit of a concern.  I wondered if it would effect my balance and how I felt coming to a stop and having to unclip my left foot, which is my preferred release foot.  After the first red light it came back as naturally as taking a deep breath...it just happened when needed.

Can't quite say the same for using the drops on my handlebars, that lower portion on most road bikes.  That continued to feel a tad strange and "fat" on the right side.  I know this will get better, as it doesn't feel as hard and inflexible as it did even a few weeks ago.  Now if I can just get the quads to get back to the strength they were back in May when I did my last century ride...Have I mentioned that I'm impatient?

Ahh well, guess I'll go do the hubby's "boring" little ride down to the Y in Burlington...it's only a 15 mile round trip... I'm already chomping at the bit for longer rides.  I'd rather go out for 20 to 25 today...but suspect that  may be pushing a bit too much.  Guess that means I really am back to "Normal"!!

Fin - well almost!

Well, almost!  My next check up isn't for months.  In fact, not till Dec. 6th.  That's six months almost to the day from my surgery.  Today's check up went very well, just too long as always.

 I've been given clearance to leg up on the bike!! Hooooray! and allowed back into the gym (although I didn't tell them I went to a Zumba class yesterday afternoon)  Real weights are out of the question till probably the Dec. appointment.  They want to be sure that I don't herniate anything.  So I'll be sticking with the lighter weights..which is good, I need to start rebuilding my base here.

If I had any doubts that about being in good shape helping with recovery, they were answered today.  One of my fellow donors, eight years younger than I, is having a really difficult recovery.  I'm sure she's somewhat fit, let's face it, or she'd never have been approved for donation.  Still, she's not even back at work at all yet and I'm actually going full time this week. How I feel about being back at my job is another story entirely.

Last night on the couch!

Well, tonight may well be the last night on the couch.  I'm rolling over fairly easily onto my right side.  the swelling is...well not too bad.  I can sit for fair periods...and am actually feeling like going upstairs to bed.  Course, the hubby will have to get used to getting hit for snoring ...and not hogging the whole damn bed, but .. we are returning to normal now.  Bit by bit by bit!

The scar is getting slowly more flesh like, the swelling made the area around it hard and stiff.

I'm probably actually going out tonight for the first time since the surgery.  My nephew, in the Navy, is in town and this may be the last shot at seeing him for a very long time.  Plus if I get tired..we go home.  It's as simple as that...or just lay down on a couch or spare bed for a little bit.  That's the biggest problem with work.  When the need to lay down comes on, I NEED to lay down. Plain and simple.  So, may be another week before work is possible, or maybe start with half days.  Time will tell.

8:30 am Dr. appt. tomorrow at the Hospital.

One week with one kidney

Hard to believe it's been probably exactly a week since they lifted the Righteous Kidney out and took her to another room.  To spend the rest of her useful days inside another body, helping him help others.  The Lone Ranger stepped up and began to perform solo to perfection.  Sometimes almost a little too well, for my liking.  Trying to figure how to get up off the bed and into the bathroom with speed, post surgery, can be a rough way to wake up!  Nice to know both of mine are strong and capable.

I am beginning to really feel pretty good.  Only pain killers since, early Saturday are Tylenol.  And those are infrequent too.  So much for the predicted pain.

The Lone Ranger Rides!

Can I just say...for a one kidney wonder...I am peeing a whole whole lot!  Granted, it is a major focus of my days...but this little Lone Ranger is doing an awesome job of working at filtering my blood!  I am seriously impressed at the bodies ability to recoup and compensate.

I'll have to take time in a bit and post the whole hospital process which was incredible.  The staff, the people, the whole experience was terrific.  My kidney now happily resides in a handsome tall dark, ... you got it... Man!! :-)  Best of all, Joe is a personal trainer and I know he will appreciate the training rides I took his kidney on and will continue the good care!

Opps...bathroom calling...again!  I am a Champion!!

Three Days and a wake up!

It's a glorious Saturday morning...the hubby is mowing the lawn, the sun is shining and it's a tad warm, but then, this is summer time in New Jersey!

Went to the hospital yesterday morning for one last blood letting.  Only around 5 or 6 vials this time.  This is for the final cross match with my recipient.  Kind of nerve racking.   If for some reason there is reactivity ... then everything gets stopped.  I know for a fact Vicky is nervous too.  So incredibly close and yet, until we are in the hospital and in the operating rooms.. it could still come to a halt.

One more person at work now knows.  Our financial wizard, aka head of finance.  He needed to know what was going on with Pete being out on family leave, so Pete felt the need to tell him why I was out at exactly the same.  To my surprise he is totally honoring our wishes for "silence" and came over to wish me luck.  All this with a look of total surprise.

So Tuesday June 8th at around 5 in the morning...we will be leaving the house to drive over, get parked and get this party started.

I've had another reminder of what is possible with one kidney.  My beautiful sister-in-law, Laura, is in Macon Georgia, doing another 1/2 Ironman.  14 years after the removal of her kidney (along with the tumor that weighed more than 7.5 lbs.)  So...who knows, maybe I'll get faster AND stronger afterwards.

It's taken me till now to really wrap my head around the fact that other people find this such a strange thing to do.  To me this really does just seem natural.  Or maybe it's just that this is the exact place and space I'm supposed to be in.  The exact road I'm meant to travel and that's why it feels so perfectly right and comfortable.

My dad calls from Olympia WA, nearly every day.  Just checking up on his daughter....making sure I feel ok.  And I do.  Andy calls too, sort of surprised that I was still at work, but honestly...why not??? I have things to do lists to leave people to "train".  I plan on being in work on Monday too!  What else am I going to do....clean house...I don't thinks so.  I have a lovely plaque in the family room given by a co worker years ago.  "Housework causes warts" !  I believe! I believe!

Ah well off to do some....work, just work, cause after all it's only, oh hell, 2 days and a wake up!!